It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
