He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
