Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
