Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
