Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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