moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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