i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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