Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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