If i come over, it means nothing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
