his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
