They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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