Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
