And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my shit smells like andre
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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