After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
