I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
