Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
