i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
