i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
