I met the friendliest cop last night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
