yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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