Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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