He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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