I'm lost and stupid without you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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