You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
