So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
