I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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