I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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