I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
