Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
