Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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