This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
