You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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