I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
