nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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