We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
