Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
