ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
