i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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