which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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