how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
