It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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