don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
