I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
