I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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