so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
