3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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