I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
