you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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