You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
