Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
